The Dreaded Biopsy
Today I received a letter in the mail, telling me that my liver biopsy will be on 2 March. Cor… I’m shaking in my boots.
I’ll be making the four-hour drive to the city the night before, so I can get into the hospital by 7:30am, to have an ultrasound to decide which is the best spot to take a chunk out of my liver. Then I’ll be placed on a wheelbarrow, have a tube stuck into my arm, and wheeled around the hospital until 9:20 when they’ll give me a "drug which will make me sleepy" through the tube in my arm. Then they'll get a gigantic shovel and dig a few chunks out of my liver.
Then, I have to lie in my wheelbarrow on my right side for four hours while they monitor me to make sure I’m not going to croak.
Oh, and a week beforehand, I have to go to my local hospital for yet another blood test. This time they’re going to keep a note of what my blood type is, so that they can have some on standby for my biopsy, in case something goes wrong and I need a blood transfusion.
Oh, but it's OK, they tell me, there are only a few things that can go wrong, like accidentally punching a hole in my lung with the gigantic shovel.
Oh yes, I’m really looking forward to my first-ever surgery experience.
I’ll be making the four-hour drive to the city the night before, so I can get into the hospital by 7:30am, to have an ultrasound to decide which is the best spot to take a chunk out of my liver. Then I’ll be placed on a wheelbarrow, have a tube stuck into my arm, and wheeled around the hospital until 9:20 when they’ll give me a "drug which will make me sleepy" through the tube in my arm. Then they'll get a gigantic shovel and dig a few chunks out of my liver.
Then, I have to lie in my wheelbarrow on my right side for four hours while they monitor me to make sure I’m not going to croak.
Oh, and a week beforehand, I have to go to my local hospital for yet another blood test. This time they’re going to keep a note of what my blood type is, so that they can have some on standby for my biopsy, in case something goes wrong and I need a blood transfusion.
Oh, but it's OK, they tell me, there are only a few things that can go wrong, like accidentally punching a hole in my lung with the gigantic shovel.
Oh yes, I’m really looking forward to my first-ever surgery experience.
posted by Filosofette at 3:11 pm
3 Comments:
I'm convinced that it is humour like yours (containing that touch of cynicism/realism), that allows us to get through this! I hope the biopsy goes well and that the shovel is not too large!
Started treatment this weekend.... was rough for a few hours subsequent to the first injection, but am feeling fine now.
Toronto
Relax, biopsy is no big deal. Take a good book with you as laying around getting bored is the worst bit!
Best wishes,
Martin Bolton, UK
i too am from nelson.
Thank you for your frank advice and humour. biopsy 4 me next week......
Merriann
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